If I Could Go On Sleeping, by Meredith T. Tasaki (PG-13)

[figs_sg1_rec]

Rec Category: AU

Pairing: Daniel/Sha're
Categories: AU, Daniel Jackson, Daniel/Sha're, team, Janet Frasier, episode related, angst
Warnings: canon character death, language, religious allusions
Author on LJ: unknown
Author's Website: Meredith at FF.net
Link: If I Could Go On Sleeping

Why This Must Be Read: In the past, I recced a wonderfully feel-good story about Sha're surviving FIAD, and Daniel and Sha're getting their happily-ever-after ending. In this powerful fic, Sha're survives FIAD – and then she and Daniel discover that happily-ever-after isn't all that easy. And as the events surrounding Shifu play themselves out, and Sha're is denied her son through Oma's and Daniel's actions... well.

All this slowly unfolds as background to the actual story, which essentially retells Meridian with the inclusion of a rather estranged Sha're. While she and Daniel still love each other, there's also a great deal of strain between them. Sha're sees Oma as the being that stole her son, and now she wants to take her husband, too? And will Daniel's feelings of guilt, and reluctance to - as he sees it - betray Sha're yet again, force him to refuse Oma's offer, even if it means his final death?

Strongly written with beautifully rendered emotions and reactions, If I Could Go On Sleeping offers us a bleakly realistic picture of two people, scarred and confused, trying to find their way towards acceptance. There's wonderful support from the other members of the SGC – and, in particular, an amazing confrontation between Sha're and Teal'c that speaks of deep understanding. Great Jack moments, and Sam moments, and Janet moments… Add a terrific altercation between Sha're and Jonas Quinn, and a clearly warm friendship between Sha're and Sam and Janet, and a final line with parallels that will leave you gasping, and you've got a rewrite of Meridian that you'll remember for a long, long time.

"You haven't forgiven him?" Sam blinked.

"What? For Kheb? No, that isn't it. I have forgiven him. I think. What choice had he, really? There was nothing he could have done. That may not be the reason he did nothing, but- I do not blame him for that. I don't blame him for anything, though he may not believe it."

Sam digested that. She hadn't really thought properly about the effects that incident on Kheb would have for Daniel and Sha're, really. Because they were fine. They were the big romance. Even if it was an awkward role for them; so much time apart...

"What it is..." she said. "I feel so guilty that we cannot be together anymore..."

Sam tried to misinterpret it. "Because he's dying?"

"No," she said. "I told him- he would not believe me- I told him it had been too long. And it has, but he could never possibly accept that."

Sam closed her eyes in some kind of despair. She'd believed in them. They'd been- love. Affirmation that love existed, was possible, was everything they said it was, was out there if only you could open your heart and find it...

"Except he has accepted it... I am so afraid. I'm not sure it's just his body that is dying. I think we're losing him. I think that's my fault, I think I've broken him. I think he will die in the most complete way possible and his blood will be on my head, mine, completely mine, not mine that was really hers..."

"Maybe there are no happy endings," Sam whispered. She hadn't meant to say it aloud.

"It is always the women who learn first never to believe in them." Sha're leaned against the wall and bowed her head.